Ah, it feels good to be back. I had been meaning to post for such a long time, but I've had a shortage of time. The days feel so long in the passing but all at once, they're gone.
Inside me, emotions are so abundantly flowing, making every move of mine feel stifled. So many feelings that I am unsure of what to make of them. It's like a fork in the river, with more than two ways to go. These next few months of my life fit that last sentence perfectly. Oh, how things can change. But, maybe in these next few months there will be a glorious beginning. Which is where I should probably start.
I have been blessed with two parents who love me dearly and are wonderful. But, as the economy crashed, my parents' jobs were both taken. And while this has been an adjustment, I'm afraid the adjustment of adjustments is ahead of me. Needless to divulge all the details, my parents' funds run out right after Christmas. What is there to say? Fear is for cowards, though sometimes the cowards are the wiser ones.
So much of what I know as true, so much of my lifestyle, has been altered already and may be once more. As I glance around my room from behind my laptop, I picture all of my belongings in boxes, them being the only part of me that will be ready to leave this house. And while I can picture this room stark white, back to the way it was the first time I saw it, none of my possessions will remain. I'll be all I have left, with one exception. Jesus remains. Sometimes I had to admit this truth, but He's the only thing I've learned I can hold on to. As things, places and people have been stripped from my life, as I've had to adjust to living on less, Jesus never once even shifted.
"Things can only go up from here," a friend told me the day I found out my dad had lost his job. Boy, were they wrong. I am desperately afraid, I won't lie. But if things go down from here, I know one thing. My desire is to be at the bottom, sitting on Jesus' lap, his arms cradling my trembling body.
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