Ever want something so badly you'd do anything to have it? Ever have it and be deathly afraid of losing it? I sit in the backseat of a car returning home from a cookout, being asked about my spring break. I have vivid recollections of the end of mine, circling Raleigh with my brother, watching Limitless and eating goodberrys with him. I recall the careless Sunday afternoon, sunny and juvenile, but so short-lived. And through the bliss of that afternoon, I see people's faces, those of who I miss so dearly. I fear that I won't see my brother for months, that my teenage life is like a jacket flying out the window, seconds away from no longer being mine. I tremble at the possibility that it was as great as it will ever be, and it has been sealed, enclosed in cardboard box and placed in an attack to accumulate dust.

I'm afraid mostly though that I have already given everything. But not for the sake of going back to the moments I love or for the sake of being with those people again, instead I gave them up for this. This lethargic, bitter place I am in now. I fear, so deeply, that I have replaced what I loved with what I resent, and this switch is permanent.

Your name.
My eyes.
I see the the bright flashes.
I recall violent crashes.
My skin reddened,
My soul became a little more deadened.
I felt the whip.
Not just of your hand but of your lips.
I'm not weeping though,
Because I've decided to keep dreaming.

A walk through the woods
And I feel safe.
The rain drops fall harder
Than they were dared to.
They come colliding with my skin
And I'm too fragile.
I'll let them catch in my satchel.
I'll take them with me as I fall,
They'll be my safeguard, my soldier,
On a long walk down a narrow hall.

I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me. (go look up Who Says by Selena Gomez, trust me, it's worth it and I don't even like Selena)

Silence penetrates,
Burning like a flame.
I want to hear you say,
"How are you? Good! Same."
Instead no words will do,
We're becoming not one but two.
And nothing will fix us,
Not even my trusty Elmer's glue.

Your lies,
Slice.
I wish I could sit here and say I didn't try.
They rake me soul, creating little holes,
Robbing me of my few joys.
I am human, I have emotions,
I dare you to quit treating me like your dog's chew toy.
But you won't.
And the piece of me you owned,
Is minced, even smaller shreds,
I wince, oh how it hurts,
But at least I can admit the truth.
Part of me may be dead, though it's you who I dread,
And I'll spend my life doing anything and everything,
Trying to forget the words you said.

Two Days

Your name.
My eyes.
I see the bright flashes,
I recall the violent crashes.
My skin reddened,
my soul became a little more deadened.
I felt the whip,
not just of your hands but of your lips.
You won't find me weeping,
'cause I've chose to keep sleeping,
in vain hopes of dreaming.

"In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So I'm holding on."

I'm buried in the dirt,
my sores scorched and burning like a desert.
Just turn me over, I want to see the horizon.
look me in the eyes, hear my cries and
Rock me back in forth,
'till my wounds heal, 'till I begin to feel.
Instead you left me, in this austere room,
and I'm searching for clues,
to tell me whether or not this life is real.
The fluorescent lights are my companion,
but even they were an omen.
I sit beside the darkness,
beaten at best, waving my white flag, defenseless.

And they told me that the one who never believes is the winner.

I wanted to make a wish,
when you said nothing would happen.
You scolded me as I insisted.
I wanted to fly,
but you reminded me of my mortality.
I'm susceptible to death,
but I can know and forget by tomorrow.
On those steps, I cried.
You told me all of it was just futile, your words were unforgiving and brutal.
I wanted to pick daises, run thoughtlessly through the corn mazes.
I was so juvenile, but you witnessed my happiness die.

I know of a girl,

her heart is flooded by tears 

while she motionlessly shakes with fear.

She stares into air,

believing in a world of nowhere.

Magic and mystery,

some hope to carry her away from her misery.

The girls at school ignore her,

raise their nose and ignorantly think better.

She peers into a broken mirror,

shattered by her own terror. 

In case you haven't been given the chance to see the Spring weather, and all it brings

Hug a tree. They are why we live - what they produce is what we breathe.

Just 'cause we are holding together on the outside doesn't mean we're not broken within. 

I can peer at shades of purple and green, know what they mean, and allow them to be equally seen.  

Where the world fades to gray, so far away, is where I want to spend my days.

Sunrise after sunset, I'm going for these days even if they're something I'll regret.

We grow and we fade.

The thrill of life is as robust as the smell of flowers on a spring day.

Falling and yearning to come back, but forgive me, grace is what I lack

You lost us both.
I was less than what you wished for,
now you have to decide who you miss more.
Your frivolity,
your actions so dumbly,
I'm leaving town,
sweeping the street at sundown.
Pick up my belongings, wrap my heart in protective gear,
take everything I need,
all but you, my dear.

Cause living makes me want to cry and shout for joy all at once. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH_XCuf_jTM

Cause they say no strings attached, but I'm afraid of a world without them.

Cause dark and light are so startlingly close, we mistake them for each other.